Tales Of A Woman Married To Self Doubt

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Name: Tony
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Marital Status: Married… To Self Doubt for 22 years

They met at birth and he chose her.

He was arrogant and very selfish. Knew everything and didn’t wanna be told anything. He had life figured out.

Doubt was a powerful man but nobody would admit they’re associated with him. He was popular and could have his way with anyone. He didn’t even try to be known but he was everybody’s friend.

All those years she didn’t take note of his power until the age of 10.
Tony started a new school in a different town… New surroundings, new friends, everything was just different and new. Now doubt would soar under such circumstances.

Pause on that.

Tony was a black, girl child raised by a very solid single mother; but you know in a coloured/black family, EVERYBODY raises you: Your Mom, your granny, your grandpa, your aunt, your uncles, the neighbours, your cousins and basically your community. She was raised well, had most things she wanted. Went to good schools, the material that brushed against her bright, yellow skin was the finest. Tony was the living the dream all the kids in the hood wanted.

Young performer; She sang her heart out. From home to creche to primary school, to high school, to college… She sang everywhere and left a memory of her.

During this time her innocence blinded her husband, Self Doubt. He couldn’t do anything.

At the age of 10, she and her mother moved to start a life of their own in a different town. She started at a new school; met different teachers and different peers.

The moment she felt alone, her husband, Doubt, called her out. He was there. Waving in her face, questioning her… Wanting to know how come she’d never acknowledged his presence in her life.
Now, Doubt was a master of reverse psychology and Tony always fell for that. Didn’t matter who you were; if you placed her in that psychological position, you’d win. Done.

The 1st day at her new school, before she went through the gate, Doubt shoved her in a nearby shrub and told her she’s not like everyone else and she’ll never be good enough and said to her “But you can try” with a silly smirk on his face. Pulled her back up and shoved her through the gate.
All that lingered in her head was his words: “You’re not like all these kids. You’re fat, you’re black, you’re ugly and you’ll never be good enough. But you can “try””

She thought the problem was her, not realising how toxic Doubt was.

To be continued…

@miss_concept

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#TunesTuesday: Four_40 x Cyber G – TIGI (ReMake)

The StreedKid Ent. stable fellas; Hip Hop Dj – Four_40 – and YoTV Battle Station 10-time consecutive winner – Cyber G – released a re-make of African hit single “Tigi” (The Sands) yesterday and had quite a number of people buzzing.

Dj Four40 x Cyber G – TIGI (REMAKE)
Produced by BeatSoul

tigi remake

It’s fresh. It’s raw. It’s creative.

It’s Streetkid!

Follow them, check out more music links and the moves they are making. I know these gentlemen work very hard, consistently so!

Cyber G: https://web.facebook.com/cybergmusic

Four_40: https://web.facebook.com/TheFour40Exprience

 

Charleen Mahery

#MCM: KHALID – BREATH OF FRESH SOUL

CyeTALaUQAAN7O3.jpg

Recently came across this young, Texan, grizzly bear; with a remarkable voice – might I spice – when an acquaintance of mine played a song of his “Location” on our drive to our herbalist.

I was taken aback by his laid-back, casual and effortless sound. Soft, subtle, somewhat spiritual singing. The kind that VVVIP-tag passes through your ears; right through your mind, heart & soul and settles in your being.

I wanted more!!!

Now, apparently this Khaled has been making the waves… Me not being aware of this is pretty normal, I never know what’s trending and I don’t really care to seek it out of daily living. I’ve always been the trendsetter anyway. (Yes, of cause.)

I got home later that evening and checked him out. The greatest thing I did for myself at that point – I fell in love.

Khalid Robinson (born February 11, 1998), known mononymously as Khalid (pronounced ‘KUH-LeeD’), is an American singer and songwriter from El Paso, Texas. He is signed to Right Hand Music Group and RCA Records. He is best known for his debut single, “Location“, which has peaked at number 16 on the US Billboard Hot 100 which is currently his highest-charting single and has gone platinum – (Wikipedia)

I got his album, American Teen and listened to it all night and all day. I could not believe all that soul seeped out of a 19 year old (At first I couldn’t believe he’s 19 but abelungu bathi ‘Don’t judge a book blaze-blah-woopti-woo’.) I thought they don’t make them like this anymore,

From the first track – which is also the title of his debut album – American Teen, I got Goosebumps!!!

“American Teen is the debut studio album by American R&B recording artist Khalid. It was released on March 3, 2017, by Right Hand Music Group and RCA Records. The album was supported by the singlesLocation“, and “Young Dumb & Broke””

 

 

Americanteen

 

 

The album begins with 2 vibey tracks – American Teen and Young, Dumb & Broke (A personal favourite) – and switches right on to hit single, Location. From there, all the soul is spilled into your ears with mellow and soulful songs that you will want to listen to over-and-over again.

I love every song on the album; I however have a few real favourites like:

  • Young, Dumb & Broke
  • Location
  • Coaster
  • Cold Blooded
  • Winter
  • Therapy
  • Shot Down
  • Angels
  • Hopeless

Once you check it out, you’ll realise that list of favourites is basically the whole album.

As new as this is, I can’t wat for another offering from him. I get the sense that this is just the tip of the iceberg; maturity and experience will breed a beast out of this Texan Grizzly Bear (Who I find so Yum-Yum-And-Dope). I look forward to whatever else he has to offer in the future.

He’s my man crush every day! I’m such a fan!!!

 


Charleen Mahery


ReTake

It’s been a while since I’ve interacted through this page – forgot my password and frankly, my fire for blogging was amiss – but I’m trying to change that and use it like before – probably a little better even.

I’ll still share my poetry and also share other writing I do and my music.

I’ll share bits and pieces of my self too; my mood, my motivation, the music I like, books, holiday destinations, and basically everything I find interesting and worth allowing to linger in my mind.

I’m a lover of all things beautiful and I am open to interactions with like-minded individuals. Lets connect!

Enjoy the Sunday and have a glorious week!

Charleen Mahery

charleenmahery@gmail.com

I

She was of light brown skin

Soft, phat lips

A cute chubby face

And an ego da size of her bum

She was Nubian-like

Very sophisticated and inlove wit her smile

“I WOULDN’T PASS A MIRROR WITHOUT LOOKIN AT I”

She was poetic in every sense

Even her curvaceous thighs recited something deep about life

Every man who understood beauty wanted to make her his wife

Thoughts ran deep

“Must be the life in her eyes…”

“No, probably the nudity in her voice”

“Naaa, the way she pouts her lips”

He’d look at her and be left speechless

The look in her eyes stole the words from his tongue

She had da personality of a bee
She left a buzz in everyone’s mind

She was everything you knew and Understood but couldn’t explain

She was an angel with caution signs everywhere

SHE…

SHE IS I

(Written August 2008)

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – @miss_concept

Untitled

Suitcases packed with broken dreams

Your perceptions of the world we inhabit have been altered

Thus everything is no longer what it seemed

Broken hearts displayed in galleries everywhere

Yes, humans paint self-portraits in tears

Indignant souls screaming for attention

Deep crooning with heads bowed down in shame

Visible seclusion from the world

Without even looking twice you know the story because you’ve walked that path

What was excitement yestermorn

Has been taken advantage of

Molested by jJdgment and produced offsprings called Regret

Not strong enough to abort such, you learn to stomach the brat that keeps kicking you in your crop

Pain has become one with you

Blame is all you know how to do

Forgetting that the state you’re in today was a choice you made yesterday

The world is what you thought it would be

You just didn’t give it enough time to show you

Like a fool, you rushed in
And just as quickly you got kicked out

Life is not a race, its a walk in the park on a cool summer night

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – @miss_concept

The Woman And Her Struggles

Very often I understand when a woman is moody because I take things like hormones and general life into consideration.

Even though men know the biological reason for a woman’s mood swings, I often feel that they don’t understand in depth why women are a lil moody more often than hardly.

Lemme explain it to you like this:
(This is not something I was taught in a class somewhere. This is based on my experience and other females around me)

• There a 4weeks in a month.

• In those 4weeks, a woman has only one “normal” week.

• The week before her period, her body is changing. Tender breasts, an uncomfortable feeling in her abdomen, etc.

• Then comes the period. 4-7days of pain that you can’t really do much about. How can a person bleed for so many days and not be in pain?

• Then the week after the period. The recovery. The mood swings kick in proper during this time hence the term PMS (Post Menstrual Sydrome)

During all 3 weeks, she has to keep a normal pace in life and still drag a smile around.

• Then there are those normal 7-10days that you just see her glowing all the time.

Would you not be moody if you went through all that? I actually think we handle it well. We could be monsters.

That’s just something I’d like you to take into consideration when you come up with these “Women are this & that” theories.

Bless

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – @miss_concept

Conversations Between Me & I

I’m outchea thinking “How am I gonna start this blog? What’s my opening line gonna be?”

Typing…
“It’s a Sunday, a lazy one…”

Backspace…

… Thinking… “Shit, it can’t sound corny”

Then I’m like “phuck it! This is not supposed to sound poetic and shit, just type”

That’s how I landed here.

It’s amazing that what happened when I started posting on here was part of the conversation Me and I had about 30mins ago. Over-thinking.

Me hates the fact that I is such an over-analyst. Me feels that I is setting her back because of it.

Me thinks I is a lazy over-thinker and said something so heart-breaking after that statement.

Me: “Laziness and Over-thinking are rivals with you and they, themselves are rivals. They don’t mix at all. They are worst when they occupy the same space: Your mind! That’s why you’re stuck here right now, I.”

That was just too trill for I. Too damn trill. You know why? Cause I knew it was true.

Me went on to saying:
“I’m not here to bring you down. I’m just here to be real with you (Since you’re failing to be real with yourself) and unfortunately at this point in your life, you have no say over that.”

Now, I is one person that finds it hard to submit but this was Me talking. Me has never been that real with I. Yes, I was in shock but I didn’t even think of arguing it because it sounded and felt right. Who goes against that?

The rest of the things Me said to I cannot be disclosed at this point.
I almost cried though, that’s how deep me went in on I.

I and Me see this as a journey. What should they title it?

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – @miss_concept