Tales Of A Woman Married To Self Doubt

Name: Tony
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Marital Status: Married… To Self Doubt for 22 years

They met at birth and he chose her.

He was arrogant and very selfish. Knew everything and didn’t wanna be told anything. He had life figured out.

Doubt was a powerful man but nobody would admit they’re associated with him. He was popular and could have his way with anyone. He didn’t even try to be known but he was everybody’s friend.

All those years she didn’t take note of his power until the age of 10.
Tony started a new school in a different town… New surroundings, new friends, everything was just different and new. Now doubt would soar under such circumstances.

Pause on that.

Tony was a black, girl child raised by a very solid single mother; but you know in a coloured/black family, EVERYBODY raises you: Your Mom, your granny, your grandpa, your aunt, your uncles, the neighbours, your cousins and basically your community. She was raised well, had most things she wanted. Went to good schools, the material that brushed against her bright, yellow skin was the finest. Tony was the living the dream all the kids in the hood wanted.

Young performer; She sang her heart out. From home to creche to primary school, to high school, to college… She sang everywhere and left a memory of her.

During this time her innocence blinded her husband, Self Doubt. He couldn’t do anything.

At the age of 10, she and her mother moved to start a life of their own in a different town. She started at a new school; met different teachers and different peers.

The moment she felt alone, her husband, Doubt, called her out. He was there. Waving in her face, questioning her… Wanting to know how come she’d never acknowledged his presence in her life.
Now, Doubt was a master of reverse psychology and Tony always fell for that. Didn’t matter who you were; if you placed her in that psychological position, you’d win. Done.

The 1st day at her new school, before she went through the gate, Doubt shoved her in a nearby shrub and told her she’s not like everyone else and she’ll never be good enough and said to her “But you can try” with a silly smirk on his face. Pulled her back up and shoved her through the gate.
All that lingered in her head was his words: “You’re not like all these kids. You’re fat, you’re black, you’re ugly and you’ll never be good enough. But you can “try””

She thought the problem was her, not realising how toxic Doubt was.

To be continued…

Charleen Mahery