I Lost Myself (Confessions Of A Hoe)



TheCharleenMaheryNarrative I Lost Myself



I lost myself in blue jeans of a light skinned brother I met at a club in Rosebank last year
Swept me off my feet
Bought me a few drinks
Whispered sweet nothings in my ears
Took me home
Undressed me
Unzipped his pants
And I got lost in them

I lost myself in purple skinny jeans
Of a good looking and trendy brother I met in newtown a week after
Swept me off my feet
Bought me a few drinks
Whispered sweet nothings in my ears
Took me home
Undressed me
Unzipped his pants
And I got lost in them

I lost myself in rugby shorts after a rugby match
To a buff and physically perfect brother who
Swept me off my feet
Bought me a few drinks
Whispered sweet nothings in my ears
Took me home
Undressed me
Unzipped his pants
And I got lost in them

I lost myself in foreign and local pants
Lost myself in pants of all races
Pants of all ages
Some pants in cars
Some in hotel rooms
Some in weird homes
Some in bathrooms
Pieces of me scattered everywhere
I lost myself

And you wonder why I’m a different person everytime you talk to me


“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery




All Rights Reserved ©


It Could Only Get Worse

The Ville After

Tired faces after a long night of hardwork… and it only got worse. Charleen Mahery & Ofentse Dooka (Awesome Twosome)


They pollute the mind of the young
Today is depressed by it’s survival
And Tomorrow dreads its own arrival
Cause it could only get worse

They host revivals
Revivals that encourage negativity
Revivals that support prejudice
Where artificial intelligence is a trend
Where you dress up to please the viewer
And young girls spread legs to add value to their worth
And hide their insecurities behind stunners and pink lip stick
Hide their pain underneath expensive clothing
And attempt to walk tall with Loubitin’s they bought in the JHB CBD
Yes, today is still suicidal
And tomorrow keeps postponing its arrival
Cause it could only get worse

They hide their brains under what they call Brazillian weaves
Yet they wonder why men don’t see them as african queens
Starve themselves and collapse in classrooms
Deprive themselves from watching cartoons
Sacrifice studying for an exam to watch and imitate a Kardashian
They are Black but try hard to be Caucasian

And my mother asks:
“Child, is this the freedom I fought for?”
With headphones in my ears I failed to hear her properly
She questions her parenting skills and wonders how she could’ve raised me so sloppily
I’ll do right tomorrow
But tomorrow is skeptical of its arrival
And today dreads its own survival
Cause it will only get worse

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery



All Rights Reserved ©


Life (The Mission, The Report)


I’ve established that I’m curious bout the concept of life more than anything.

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense and the more my spirit finds peace with the world.

I’ve been sitting and thinking: “Shit! What’s my purpose though? Why am I here? What do I wanna do with MY being here?”
And that lead me back to this “What is life?” question. So I came up with this…

I dunno where I was before birth because it’s not relevant to my current mission.

Life is an assignment. I was given the freedom to do what I want with it at birth. I was given the world and nobody ever said this assignment I’m doing is gonna be easy.

All I really have to do is live. Compile my own individual report about my life; What I did, what I learnt, what I gained, what I achieved and an overall conclusion bout the concept of life.

What we mortals refer to as “Life” is a mission. We gotta find something purposeful to report back to the rest of the class when we go back.

The people we meet here, shouldn’t distract you from fulfilling your purpose and making most of your journey. We’re all passing by and we’re all here for different purposes. Whoever and whatever we come across shouldn’t be set backs.

(My mind is racing and I’m just touching and leaving everything)

This is how I understand that I’m unique and I’m here to be great.

God put us on a field. He’s here observing us.

He put out instruction to go live and compile a report bout this field where He placed us.
“God: Go out there, make the most of it and I’ll call you up when I need a report back.”
The moment we get on the field is what we mortals refer to as “Birth”.
That’s when preparation starts.
• You are fed to be healthy
• You are taught many many things as prep for the field.

We are placed on the field. We live. Our mission takes off. We meet people, encounter hardships, we fall in love, discover things we hang on to too long, etc. (Those are all part of your report too) but these things and people tend to make us forget our mission. We tend to get distracted; sometimes short term, sometimes long term. We lose ourselves in the material & physical world. We forget that we are not here to stay forever, we’re passing by.

We have to find our purpose/s and work them into our report. We could be anything we want because we were designed to work with anything thrown our way. Yes, WE ARE THAT GREAT.

All these people we worry bout impressing and hurting, or whatever, kinda don’t matter unless you finna pop up in their report and score more points with God (Touching lives). That’s just a plus, though, it’s not really something you have to do. Your main priority should be focusing on YOUR mission. Compiling the best report on earth, presenting it to God (or whomever you believe in) and getting a score for your spirit to advance to the next level.

Think of it like school. You’re there with 20 other people in class but you’re actually there for your own benefit and nobody else’s. Yes, you’re welcome to help your fellow class mates and make friends and be a lil naughty. But what you present to your teacher shall determine if you will advance to the next grade or not.

The difference with school and life, though, is that with school you are given time. With life, on the other hand, you don’t really know when you may be called up to come do your presentation. We gotta make most of NOW.
Another difference between life and school: School, you get taught the lesson 1st then you’re tested. Life, you’re tested 1st then given the lesson.

I could go on and on and on bout this but yeah…

Point is:
1. Live
2. Live for yourself
3. Remember you’re passing by
4. You are great. Be great.
5. Compile your best report

The term “death” is a term only known in this game/assignment/mission we’re pushing. Let it not scare you.
Live fearlessly and make the most of the time you are blessed with.
You won’t be scared to “die” or go report back if you make most of NOW.

NOW is preparation and part of the report you’re taking home (Back to YOUR God)

Let’s compile reports worthy to share with Him and everybody else that’s gonna be there.


“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery