The Woman And Her Struggles

Charleen Mahery

Charleen aka Miss Concept

 

Very often I understand when a woman is moody because I take things like hormones and general life into consideration.

Even though men know the biological reason for a woman’s mood swings, I often feel that they don’t understand in depth why women are a lil moody more often than hardly.

Lemme explain it to you like this:
(This is not something I was taught in a class somewhere. This is based on my experience and other females around me)

• There a 4weeks in a month.

• In those 4weeks, a woman has only one “normal” week.

• The week before her period, her body is changing. Tender breasts, an uncomfortable feeling in her abdomen, etc.

• Then comes the period. 4-7days of pain that you can’t really do much about. How can a person bleed for so many days and not be in pain?

• Then the week after the period. The recovery. The mood swings kick in proper during this time hence the term PMS (Post Menstrual Sydrome)

During all 3 weeks, she has to keep a normal pace in life and still drag a smile around.

• Then there are those normal 7-10days that you just see her glowing all the time.

Would you not be moody if you went through all that? I actually think we handle it well. We could be monsters.

That’s just something I’d like you to take into consideration when you come up with these “Women are this & that” theories.

Bless

 

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery

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Conversations Between Me & I

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I’m outchea thinking “How am I gonna start this blog? What’s my opening line gonna be?”

Typing…
“It’s a Sunday, a lazy one…”

Backspace…

… Thinking… “Shit, it can’t sound corny”

Then I’m like “phuck it! This is not supposed to sound poetic and shit, just type”

That’s how I landed here.

It’s amazing that what happened when I started posting on here was part of the conversation Me and I had about 30mins ago. Over-thinking.

Me hates the fact that I is such an over-analyst. Me feels that I is setting her back because of it.

Me thinks I is a lazy over-thinker and said something so heart-breaking after that statement.

Me: “Laziness and Over-thinking are rivals with you and they, themselves are rivals. They don’t mix at all. They are worst when they occupy the same space: Your mind! That’s why you’re stuck here right now, I.”

That was just too trill for I. Too damn trill. You know why? Cause I knew it was true.

Me went on to saying:
“I’m not here to bring you down. I’m just here to be real with you (Since you’re failing to be real with yourself) and unfortunately at this point in your life, you have no say over that.”

Now, I is one person that finds it hard to submit but this was Me talking. Me has never been that real with I. Yes, I was in shock but I didn’t even think of arguing it because it sounded and felt right. Who goes against that?

The rest of the things Me said to I cannot be disclosed at this point.
I almost cried though, that’s how deep me went in on I.

I and Me see this as a journey. What should they title it?

 

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery

Life (The Mission, The Report)

 

I’ve established that I’m curious bout the concept of life more than anything.

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense and the more my spirit finds peace with the world.

I’ve been sitting and thinking: “Shit! What’s my purpose though? Why am I here? What do I wanna do with MY being here?”
And that lead me back to this “What is life?” question. So I came up with this…

I dunno where I was before birth because it’s not relevant to my current mission.

Life is an assignment. I was given the freedom to do what I want with it at birth. I was given the world and nobody ever said this assignment I’m doing is gonna be easy.

All I really have to do is live. Compile my own individual report about my life; What I did, what I learnt, what I gained, what I achieved and an overall conclusion bout the concept of life.

What we mortals refer to as “Life” is a mission. We gotta find something purposeful to report back to the rest of the class when we go back.

The people we meet here, shouldn’t distract you from fulfilling your purpose and making most of your journey. We’re all passing by and we’re all here for different purposes. Whoever and whatever we come across shouldn’t be set backs.

(My mind is racing and I’m just touching and leaving everything)

This is how I understand that I’m unique and I’m here to be great.

God put us on a field. He’s here observing us.

He put out instruction to go live and compile a report bout this field where He placed us.
“God: Go out there, make the most of it and I’ll call you up when I need a report back.”
The moment we get on the field is what we mortals refer to as “Birth”.
That’s when preparation starts.
• You are fed to be healthy
• You are taught many many things as prep for the field.

We are placed on the field. We live. Our mission takes off. We meet people, encounter hardships, we fall in love, discover things we hang on to too long, etc. (Those are all part of your report too) but these things and people tend to make us forget our mission. We tend to get distracted; sometimes short term, sometimes long term. We lose ourselves in the material & physical world. We forget that we are not here to stay forever, we’re passing by.

We have to find our purpose/s and work them into our report. We could be anything we want because we were designed to work with anything thrown our way. Yes, WE ARE THAT GREAT.

All these people we worry bout impressing and hurting, or whatever, kinda don’t matter unless you finna pop up in their report and score more points with God (Touching lives). That’s just a plus, though, it’s not really something you have to do. Your main priority should be focusing on YOUR mission. Compiling the best report on earth, presenting it to God (or whomever you believe in) and getting a score for your spirit to advance to the next level.

Think of it like school. You’re there with 20 other people in class but you’re actually there for your own benefit and nobody else’s. Yes, you’re welcome to help your fellow class mates and make friends and be a lil naughty. But what you present to your teacher shall determine if you will advance to the next grade or not.

The difference with school and life, though, is that with school you are given time. With life, on the other hand, you don’t really know when you may be called up to come do your presentation. We gotta make most of NOW.
Another difference between life and school: School, you get taught the lesson 1st then you’re tested. Life, you’re tested 1st then given the lesson.

I could go on and on and on bout this but yeah…

Point is:
1. Live
2. Live for yourself
3. Remember you’re passing by
4. You are great. Be great.
5. Compile your best report
6. DON’T BE AFRAID!

The term “death” is a term only known in this game/assignment/mission we’re pushing. Let it not scare you.
Live fearlessly and make the most of the time you are blessed with.
You won’t be scared to “die” or go report back if you make most of NOW.

NOW is preparation and part of the report you’re taking home (Back to YOUR God)

Let’s compile reports worthy to share with Him and everybody else that’s gonna be there.

Love…

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery

The Mind

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Think Black

My blunt was lit and I was out there talking to my cuz… Having basic conversations; strolling down memory lane, talking bout money, talking bout the concept of life, the possible purposes of life, etc.

I randomly asked her: “Don’t you think the mind is the devil?” When I picked up silence longer than 10seconds, I realized I gave her something to think about. I just put her entire life’s decisions in question.

What if our minds our the devil?
What if “religion” is really the “right” way? What if our religious books, be it The Bible or The Quran, are law books that we should live by but we strayed away because of “The Mind”.

The fact that all things start with a thought and there’s so much evil in the world right now because nobody is really into church anymore. Everybody has a different path they took for themselves because their minds led them to believe that it’s “right”.

The Adam & Eve story? What if we took it literally? What if the mind was personified into a Snake? What if there wasn’t a literal snake in the garden but it was just a thought that was going through Eve’s mind?

Why are all the laws in these “Law Books” or “Life Guides” (e.g. Bible) being broken so freely? Why them? Why, when we know so well that they will affect other people, do we do them anyway? Adultery, Idolising, Theft, Desire, Using The Lord’s name in vain, Murder…

I know this is a whole lot of “What if” type of shit but questioning leads to investigation (in this case we may call it soul searching) that will lead us to a truth more suited for us.

The mind should be nurtured above anything physical. If your mind is healthy, you have a healthy spirit and body. Our society is becoming toxic.

That’s just me doe. Bleh

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery

Life (My Thoughts)

 

 

Charleen Mahery

Railway images of Charleen Mahery courtesy of Octavius Photography

 

I’ve established that I’m not big on blogging, I’d rather tweet my random thoughts. Because I can’t hang on too long to a thought, Twitter is a lil more convenient cause there I can squeeze something into 140 Characters and make it work aaaaaaand I like the “Live” interaction vibe there… But well, Whatever.

I’m chilling in bed, watching Scandal on eTV and something about spirits getting rest so they can move on to another form of life was mentioned and people who know me know how such things get my mind racing.

I believe that the spirit never “dies”, the body does. Yes, I believe in reincarnation. I never bother to read up much on it though because I believe whatever I’m gonna read is drawn from somebody elses beliefs. Beliefs they also made up, so I meditate and allow certain truths to be revealed to me by a HIGHER me.
I was gonna say how some people tend to remind me that this is bullshit to them; but I remembered how irrelevant that is because at the end of the day, we’re all seekers of truth and nobody’s belief system is superior to the other.

Nobody really knows what happens when we die. There are stories bout heaven and hell, stories I quite frankly don’t believe but I take them into consideration because people close to me believe their spirits are gonna wind up in one of those places.

I usually compare life a board game. Snakes & Ladders, specifically… Sometimes even Monopoly. You choose your game, I’m on that S&L shit.
S&L has a 100 blocks to go through, where 1 is birth and 100 is death. Shot.
Dice roll, the games begin (This is where the saying Life Is A Gamble makes sense to me).

1st few blocks of the game reflect childhood. Not much of a hassle, the main focus is beaing healthy and growing up. There are ladders that advance you, thus promoting growth.

When you get to your #20 blocks you start dealing with snakes. Snakes are obstacles in life; health, people, etc. The snakes may pull you back but you will pick yourself up from that and roll the dice and move forward again. The older you grow, the more the obstacles(snakes) and the lesser the ladders that help to easily advance yourself to the next part of the game.
That’s when hardwork manifests. When you reach adulthood, you somehow don’t wait for opportunity to knock, you go looking for it. You study, find a job, work hard and get the things you want. You will stumble upon a ladder every now and then but more snakes are outchea tryna murk you. Na mean?

Then you reach 100 and that’s what we refer to as “death”. Death is not a spirit dying, it’s the spirit being transferred into another vessel and it begins another “term” of life. So when you get to 100, you restart the game.

For my own sake, I hope this makes sense when I read it later… But yeah, my whole point is we tend to read too much into the simplicity of life. We tend to focus on the image of the piece that we are on the board game and forget to nurture the spirit within that piece. We worry about physical death too much while we lose parts of our spirit to the material world. Parts of us that we can’t regain or re-grow….

As flawed as this thought may be, it’s originally mine and that makes it perfect. *sigh*

Whatever!
1.

 

Charleen Mahery
Twitter: CharleenMahery
Facebook: The Charleen Mahery Narrative

Random (Rape)

images-28Now, I’ve been tweeting bout my rape struggles and I kinda opened a few cans of worms… And I’m like “I shouldn’t have” because people are coming out bout their rape stories and I scratched some wounds of my own.

I scratched wounds that haven’t healed cause I’ve never given myself a chance to nurse and heal them.

Ok. I was raped twice and molested by family member.
In most rape cases, the perpetrators are people we know quite well.

1st time I was raped, I was 3. And 20 years later I still remember it like it happened just yesterday. I don’t remember anything bout my life when I was 3 except the day it happened, the day after it happened and the court case that dragged on a lil beyond my 4th year. Oh, and I also remember that social worker I didn’t like… Whatever.

Then it happened a 2nd time and I don’t remember much of that year either. Just remember the day it happened and the few weeks that followed that day cause everything was linked to that day for a while.

A part of me feels that I was robbed, not only off my childhood, but my entire life.

I have issues with men generally. Trust issues, sex issues, relationship issues in general…

I feel awkward and terribly paranoid when I’m alone with a guy. I think to myself I should either give him what he wants or he’s gonna rape me… I look around wherever we are for possible weapons to use in case he tries… I give my cousin detailed information bout who I’m with, where we are, what he drives, number plates, when I should be expected back and the guys number in case I don’t come back. It really doesn’t matter who you are and how long I’ve known you cause it’s always those people that pulled rape stunts on me, why should I trust whoever?

I stay paranoid with absolute strangers too cause I’m thinking if someone that close to me could do it, what will stop a stranger?

1 in every 3 females gets raped atleast once in her life in our country… Now, I’m not saying every victim is like me but imagine how possibly toxic our society is.

I don’t even wanna address rapists, I just wish they all die a slow and painful death and they rot in hell.
The horror they put us through… The shame we feel, the nightmares, the burden we carry til we die… How am I gonna tell the man I wanna spend my life with that I’m dirty from your filthy penis too? How do I tell him how you fit on the list of people I’ve “slept” with? How do I not feel ashamed? Imagine it’s your daughter in this position… How would you feel knowing somebody helped themselves to her vagina?

The dog that raped me when I was 3 died in 2003. I hope he’s in hell and phucken screaming like I was. I hope he’s crying harder than I was. I wish all the shitty things for him. I’ll never forgive him. I don’t care. Lord knows I tried. Therapists stay saying “forgive and set yourself free” but I doubt a rape victim knows of any psychological freedom. The word “rape” pops up and your life flashes before your eyes.

There’s no freedom, not while rape numbers stay going up.

“You Define Your Own PERFECT” – Charleen Mahery

Tales Of A Woman Married To Self Doubt

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Name: Tony
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Marital Status: Married… To Self Doubt for 22 years

They met at birth and he chose her.

He was arrogant and very selfish. Knew everything and didn’t wanna be told anything. He had life figured out.

Doubt was a powerful man but nobody would admit they’re associated with him. He was popular and could have his way with anyone. He didn’t even try to be known but he was everybody’s friend.

All those years she didn’t take note of his power until the age of 10.
Tony started a new school in a different town… New surroundings, new friends, everything was just different and new. Now doubt would soar under such circumstances.

Pause on that.

Tony was a black, girl child raised by a very solid single mother; but you know in a coloured/black family, EVERYBODY raises you: Your Mom, your granny, your grandpa, your aunt, your uncles, the neighbours, your cousins and basically your community. She was raised well, had most things she wanted. Went to good schools, the material that brushed against her bright, yellow skin was the finest. Tony was the living the dream all the kids in the hood wanted.

Young performer; She sang her heart out. From home to creche to primary school, to high school, to college… She sang everywhere and left a memory of her.

During this time her innocence blinded her husband, Self Doubt. He couldn’t do anything.

At the age of 10, she and her mother moved to start a life of their own in a different town. She started at a new school; met different teachers and different peers.

The moment she felt alone, her husband, Doubt, called her out. He was there. Waving in her face, questioning her… Wanting to know how come she’d never acknowledged his presence in her life.
Now, Doubt was a master of reverse psychology and Tony always fell for that. Didn’t matter who you were; if you placed her in that psychological position, you’d win. Done.

The 1st day at her new school, before she went through the gate, Doubt shoved her in a nearby shrub and told her she’s not like everyone else and she’ll never be good enough and said to her “But you can try” with a silly smirk on his face. Pulled her back up and shoved her through the gate.
All that lingered in her head was his words: “You’re not like all these kids. You’re fat, you’re black, you’re ugly and you’ll never be good enough. But you can “try””

She thought the problem was her, not realising how toxic Doubt was.

To be continued…

Charleen Mahery